Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
