I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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