I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How does it feel to date your dad?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
