ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
