Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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