proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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