it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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