Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
