Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
