PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
