I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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