Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
