Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
