Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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