i jhust puked up my retainher.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
