TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
