Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
