When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
