I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
