I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My dick has a subreddit
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
