He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
