So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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