I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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