My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
