you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
