Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
