can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
