after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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