Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
