his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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