This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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