why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
