True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
