I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You made out with two different species that night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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