Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We just shotgunned beers for America
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
