Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
