well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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