my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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