i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
