it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
