For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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