she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
