she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
