if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
