i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
