I want to make a zoo with you.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's never too late to be topless.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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