i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
