Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
