i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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