Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
